As a child, I had all that I needed, but did not have what I wanted: my fathers love and attention. He was always there physically, but he wasn’t mentally. When he came home from work we were told, “Your father is tired, don’t bother him right now.” Or he was watching TV “So don’t make any noise.” I never heard my father tell me he loved me. As a young boy, my father was my hero and I was devastated that was how he treated me.
I soon learned how to get attention from my father. He had no problem disciplining his son. All I had to do was act up and I got plenty of attention from good ole Dad. As a young boy starved for his dad’s touch, even a spanking seemed like love. This sparked a lifelong perversion of the concept of a loving relationship for me. I began to equate abuse and mistreatment with love. I believe this caused me to look for the wrong things in relationships from there on out. This added to my feelings of worthlessness and started a long career of self-destructive and self -defeating behavior.
My wife Debbie and I have a child named Rhianna. About three months after Rhianna was born, it became apparent that her mother could not handle a child. We were divorced and I took my child to raise on my own. I wanted to join the army, so my mother and father adopted my daughter.
My life has been a roller coaster of good times and bad. My self- destructive lifestyle has caused me to move from job to job and rehab to rehab. With my daughter moving to Omaha, I have one more reason to get my life together once again.
That is what brought me to Open Door Mission. I am so glad there is a place that I can come to get my life back. This means a safe place to take the time to reconnect with the Lord and let him work some good back into my life. I can also get sober and learn how to stay that way. Having a father’s love and feeling that love gives me the inspiration to love myself and others. I did make peace with my earthly father before he died, but it took my heavenly father to show me how to LOVE. God Bless every one of the people who work with me here at the Mission and thank God I found this place.
My favorite scripture is Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
New Life Recovery Program Graduate