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From Dark to Light

I came to the Open Door Mission February 14, 2018. That was the day I had enough of what I now call, “the old me.” I no longer recognized who I was anymore. I had transformed slowly into a person who was ashamed of the person I had become. I was as far as I could be from God. I no longer felt the Holy Spirit within me. I was living up to my name of “The Boogeyman”. I no longer felt conviction for anything bad I was doing at this point in time.

     I came to the Open Door Mission broken, hurt, and full of broken promises. I remember beforehand at my house I was so tired, hurt, addicted, ashamed, and full of misery that it brought me to my knees. I cried out to God to please forgive me for all that I had become. To please show me mercy and grace even though I didn’t deserve it. That pain I felt was indescribable. I had never felt that before in my life. God heard my prayer; he lifted that pain and gave me the strength to pick myself up from the floor. I will never forget that day and now is the rock in which I stand to never go back. I learned firsthand that day how forgiving God is. I did not deserve His grace, yet had never forgotten about me. He was just patiently waiting for me to get tired of the way I was living.
     I will be forever grateful to God for forgiving me and allowing me a second chance at life. I show just how grateful I am everyday by living each day that I wake up with breath, for him. I strive each and every day to do his will and try my hardest to fulfill my purpose that he has in store for me. I know that I fall each and every day but that’s okay. God has showed me that he is okay with that because I am not perfect. He just wants me to make an effort everyday on building a stronger connection and relationship with him. Through that, he teaches me the lessons that I need to learn and in return, I gain so much knowledge and wisdom. I truly believe now that I have a purpose and that feels so good. That feeling is the fuel that I use to persevere through the trials that I fail at so many times. That feeling is the reason I pick myself up and dust myself off no matter what. I know that in whatever I do from now on, God has my back. He has my best interest at heart.
     For the first time in my life, I am excited for my future. My favorite quote by man has to be a quote by Mark Twain which is, “The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” My favorite scripture has to be Isaiah 41:10 “fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” Both I believe I have experienced firsthand. When I feel down or discouraged, I look up and remember how far I have come in my journey. It brings a smile to my face. I no longer feel stressed, depressed or anxious. I feel such a peace nowadays. It’s a good feeling having God in control.
     If I could give one piece of advise to someone that just made the decision to turn their life over to God, it has to be that God is looking for availability, not ability. Our talents will never impress God, but our submission will get His attention. You learn that lesson and you will hit the ground running . Prepare yourself because your life is going to be full of blessings and you will be a blessing to others, you watch and see. If someone with as dark of a past as I have can change their life, hope is not lost. Anybody’s chains can be broken. It’s up to you if or when you’ve had enough. Make the change and commitment. God is always waiting patiently. The next move is yours. What will it be?
Angel Diaz
New Life Recovery Program Graduate.