“I’m a child of God who’s been abused,” she says. “Life no longer had meaning for me. I chose crack and alcohol to numb myself because I couldn’t stand the pain.”

Brenda’s pain began long ago in Omaha’s Logan Fontanel public housing projects, where she was born just two weeks after her mother’s 15th birthday. Four siblings soon followed.

“At seven, I had to care for my three brothers and sister,” Brenda says. “Drugs and alcohol were around from the start. I got beaten all my life with whatever was handy an extension cord, a belt, a switch off a tree. And I was sexually abused.”

Tears streamed down Brenda’s cheeks as she recalled, “I never got a chance to be a kid.”

At 17, Brenda went to live with her grandmother, who provided a safe and stable home life. But it came too late. Brenda couldn’t escape the suffering she had endured.

She started doing drugs and drinking. At 25, she had a son. But despair lingered. Brenda tried to commit suicide five times, and twice she almost succeeded.

Things began to change when Brenda realized that the self-destructive cycle she inherited from her mother had carried on to her son. At 18, he was arrested and imprisoned for robbing a bank.

“I didn’t give my boy what he needed growing up. When I tried to kill myself, he told me ‘I can’t do this without you, Mom. Please don’t leave me.' I realized then that I’ve spent too long crying over what I didn’t have instead of being thankful for my blessings.”

Brenda came to Open Door Mission in April, and joined the New Life Recovery programs . Just six months into the programs , her strength and resolve continue to grow. And now she has found her purpose in life.

“I decided to grow up and be the woman that God wants me to be,” she said.

“I’m going to get my degree in counseling. There are a whole lot of lost kids out there, and I think I have something to offer them.”

Today Brenda looks forward to a promising future, instead of backward to the pain of her childhood. She writes poetry, and is preparing to be a speaker so she can share her experiences and help others overcome their pain, addiction and fear.

“I really do feel like a miracle. I know God wants to use me because He’s seen me through so much. I can feel Him now. I know that He’s there.”

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